My story starts from early memories of a very happy, loving family. So why did I question my self-worth? Why did I crave attention and needed my bucket constantly filled with love? These questions and more I started to answer as I journeyed through life and its incredible challenges…
At school I was bullied, I was also a bully. I was popular but didn’t have that ‘one’ best friend. I suffered from low self-esteem and lacked confidence although being an extrovert I hid it well.
As a teenager and in to my early 20’s I always had my next boyfriend lined up to validate me. I watched my dad die of cancer, lost my brother from a heart attack 3 years later and had a close encounter with my best friend nearly taking his life. I realised that I craved the strong men in my life, my rocks… but they kept leaving me. Welcome to my world ‘fear of abandonment’.
As a mother I suffered peri and post-natal depression, anxiety and panic attacks that hospitalised me and left me depending on anti-depressants for several years. With young children that I gave my all to, I lost myself. I craved the attention I once had before children and felt I had to reinvent myself to feel worthy. I even went to the extremes of transforming my blonde hair, which was such a big part of my identity, to brunette with my first child and red with my second child. Along this journey of self-doubt and giving all of myself to others, I lost focus on my marriage and my husband. Thankfully his love for his family, kept him hanging in there. We have been along many different roads and tracks but are thankfully still working towards a future together.
Looking back, even though a wild roller coaster, as life is…I do not regret one single a moment. I truly believe life has happened FOR me, and not to me. And I can help you believe this too.